Did you miss Part One?
I spent a few days in shock. I refused to ever go back to that pediatrician. There was a lot of staring into the mirror with this incredulous expression staring back at me. There was a lot of yelling at God. And, then, when the shock wore off, I got busy.
Someone in our church has a daughter who works at a university and is specialized in learning delays. I contacted her and she told me about Early Invention. I had never heard of that before. Immediately, I contacted the EI office and they came out the following week to do an assessment. The results came back with Lira having delays in communication, self-help and fine motor. Her cognitive abilities were through the roof!
Early Invention started visiting us twice a week. Over and over again, the ladies would tell me how intelligent Lira was and that there was no way she had Autism… but something kept gnawing at me. She never pointed with her index finger. She would run back and forth between two points and throw herself against our padded ottoman. She would not alternate feet on stairs. She loved to spin and spin and spin. She did not make eye contact. She would memorize television shows and repeat them as conversation.
As Lira approached three years of age and transitioned out of EI, I made an appointment with a Developmental Pediatrician. His testing was extremely thorough, including fine/gross motor, communication, cognitive, genetics… We even had an ADOS test. He sat down with his team who had each assessed Lira and they came to the agreement that she was on the Autism Spectrum with PDD-NOS, Pervasive Developmental Disorder – Not Otherwise Specified. In other words, she has some traits of ASD but not all.
Her doctor recommended occupational therapy and speech therapy. We went twice a week for almost four months until we discovered that our insurance was not paying. That is when I took upon her therapy myself.
Today, the majority of people cannot tell that Lira has Autism. She flaps in her hair or against a surface a few times a day and sometimes runs back and forth, but her eye contact is very good. She is also affectionate and talkative. Her language is very formal and she still has a hard time understanding clichés and jokes but her sense of humor is improving. While she doesn’t have a lot of friends, she doesn’t know that.
Her struggles right now are with moods and trying to self-regulate her emotions, but every day is better. Her cognitive testing reveals that her IQ is superior, smarter than her own doctor (by his admission), and she gobbles up math and reading.
I wish I could tell you that I am completely beyond that place where I stood, looking in the mirror with an incredulous expression and yelling at God, “Why her? Why my child?” but I am not quite there yet. My visits to the mirror are fewer and typically triggered by an event – Lira having a manic episode or someone saying something unkind – but I think it is a process. Her psychiatrist is extremely affirming and tells me that I am doing an awesome job but I don’t always feel that way. I wonder, “Was it the fertility drugs? The Pitocin? The meconium present at birth? The acetaminophen before the vaccinations? The vaccinations themselves? Something I fed her? Chemicals in our home?” I am always looking for a cause.
Just as Lira is learning to live beyond her disability, I am learning to accept her for the person God created her to be.
His plan is certain. He never falters. He is never surprised. And His plan for Lira is more than I can ever imagine.
If you suspect your child has an Autism Spectrum Disorder, do not hesitate to contact your pediatrician for a referral or testing. The earlier you catch it, the better. Lira is proof of that.
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