This afternoon, I learned that someone – a Christian – I have known for almost twenty-five years committed suicide.
And over an hour later, I am staring at that sentence and trying to figure out the words that should come next.
I always thought his wife could be a beauty queen. He was a father to eight and an active volunteer in church.
And here… another 15 minutes have passed and the words will not come.
I am confused. Christians are not supposed to commit suicide. Right? “The joy of the Lord is our strength” and all those other Scriptures and hymns that speak of peace tell us that God is a very present help in times of trouble. (Psalm 46:1) Then, you have humans who blog about how depression is not the cause of death but that if you are depressed, you just need to get closer to God.
Like I said… I’m confused. And more than a little angry, but not at those who seek escape from the tortured thoughts. No, I am mad at Satan who “walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.” (1 Peter 5:8)
I have been depressed for the majority of my life. I’ve heard those suicidal whispers. Even in the midst of walking with the Lord.
Or, am I wrong? Am I less of a Christian because I struggle with depression? Are those who commit suicide not really Christians? Something inside me screams, “Absolutely not!” I am a Christian and Christians do commit suicide. Why? Because although we are sinners saved by grace, we live in a body made of flesh and until we see God face to face, we will struggle with our flesh.
Even Jesus knew we would struggle as he warned the disciples, “Watch and pray, lest you enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.” (Matthew 26:41)
And Paul… he witnessed a war within himself.
14 For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am carnal, sold under sin. 15 For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do.16 If, then, I do what I will not to do, I agree with the law that it is good. 17 But now, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me. 18 For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh) nothing good dwells; for to will is present with me, but how to perform what is good I do not find. 19 For the good that I will to do,I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice. 20 Now if I do what I will not to do, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me.
21 I find then a law, that evil is present with me, the one who wills to do good. 22 For I delight in the law of God according to the inward man. 23 But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members. 24 O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? (Romans 7:13-24)
If Jesus saw the struggle we had and Paul fought the tendencies of the flesh, how can we pass judgment on others who struggle with a battle in the mind? Does Jesus provide healing? Yes. Is it easier to avoid sin when we are walking closely with the Lord? Yes. But how can we consider ourselves beyond the need for warnings and above the struggles even Paul experienced? And if we hold ourselves in such high regard, what gives us the right to pass those standards – interpretations beyond the Word of God – onto others as law?
So, I guess my confusion doesn’t come from why Christians commit suicide but from how we as living Christians can be so self-righteous that we assume to have the answers for such a great trauma.
Personally, I do not have the answers, but until I do, I will continue to pray for those who struggle with whispers from the enemy.
As I debate with myself and these details, I am willing to consider your thoughts. The comments are open.
Tabitha, I am so sorry for your loss and the loss of this dear friend. Thank you for your post. I think you hit it right on. We don’t have all the answers, only God does, and who are we to pass judgment. If anything, it should open our eyes to others who may be hurting. It should shout out a warning to those that struggle with depression to get help, to seek friends for support, to not close up and suffer alone. I will be praying for you and for this dear family who has lost a husband and father. Love, Sheri
I want to thank you for sharing this post. It is something I needed to read today. I too have battled depression for over 11 years, and am battling it as I write. It’s hard to be a Christian battling depression. I’ve been told by other Christian women things like, “it’s just your hormones.” Or “just have a good cry.” Or “you’ll get over it.” I’ve even been told that being in a depressive state that I am being selfish. So in my past it has become difficult to ask people to pray for me when I have been met with these comments. I think they don’t have any real answers, so they try to be supportive with these comments-even though these comments actually hurt. So I pray for healing for you and your friends family. I also ask anyone who is willing, to please pray for me to heal and get out of this mess I am currently in.
I’m so sorry to hear about your friend. It’s so tragic. We’ll never know why people commit suicide. The Lord does though. I pray that He will comfort you and that you will be victorious over this. Blessings.
I am so sorry for your loss Tabitha. Thank you for sharing. I know sometimes talking about it helps to heal our wounds and I want you to know you have a compassionate listener here.
I had a classmate in high school commit suicide and as a young girl my first thought was: “Will he go to heaven or go to hell?” I was simply thinking of the commandment Thou shall not kill. I had made up my mind that he would be in hell because, well Thou shall not kill. But GOD WORKS in miraculous ways!
In my catering career I met my former classmate’s father. When he heard I went to school with his son he scheduled a meeting so we could chat and share memories about his son. I’ll never forget how I felt when he told me he prays to his son telling him “When I get to heaven, I’m going to give you a big hug!” This was God answering my question. Of course this young man was in heaven. He lost his battle with depression but he didn’t lose his fight. God wrapped him in love and brought him home. And now, his dad (and I) can’t wait to see him later. I hope you and this family can look forward to the same.
Thank you for writing this! Such a hard topic and the need for you to write it is devastating. I’m so sorry for your loss. The more this topic is written and spoken about, the more awareness will come, the more people it will help. Thank you!
Are people who pass from cancer or car crash any less of Christians? We don’t have all the answers in this world and we’re not meant to. Many, many hugs to you during this difficult time.
I am so sorry about the loss of your friend. It’s been three years since a family member of mine passed in this way, and she had the biggest heart for Christ. I choose to believe that we serve a merciful God and I know in my heart I will see her again someday in heaven.
That touched me so much, I cried almost all morning. You wrote that so beautifully. I have a brother that suffers depression and at times I find myself struggle at times to keep it short. I just wanted you to know that my family will be praying for your family and his. Thank you for sharing and hope you find comfort in what everyone has already said so well.
I’m sorry I made you cry, Nicole. I am doing much better, but I am afraid that his family is struggling. Thank you for the prayers.