I have been sharing a lot of parenting fails lately and here comes another… Our children are spoiled.
Even though I never intended to raise my children to expect that money grows on trees and that they can have whatever they want as long as they ask the right person and follow the request with “please,” this attitude of entitlement seemed to ooze out of their pillows and wrap their tiny brains in poison.
And me? I let it happen. Partially because I don’t want to stir up problems in the family when someone gives too many gifts. Partially because I tried to refuse too many gifts and my resistance was futile. Partially because… this is the big one… I am lazy and lack follow-through.
Well, I have honestly had enough. I am disgusted by the attitude I see in my children when I tell them it is time to put away their electronics and they respond with nasty looks on their faces and snarky comments. I am frustrated by the piles of toys and clothes I find stashed inside their closets only just a few days after I have organized their rooms. I am sickened by the pile of dishes on the counter with last night’s dinner crusted and stuck.
Something needs to change… and it is ME.
Cleaning House by Kay Wills Wyma
I have no idea how I found this book on Amazon. I was not looking for “how to rid my children of entitlement attitudes” but I think God knew that I needed motivation… and to know that I was not alone.
In Cleaning House: A Mom’s 12-Month Experiment to Rid Her Home of Youth Entitlement, Kay Wills Wyma shares the experiment she did with her family after coming to that moment when she realized something needed to be done. Her plan was to make a list of basic tasks her children needed to have experienced and be able to accomplish on their own before they were old enough to leave home. Cleaning House chronicles her journey through family meetings, teenage attitudes, prepubescent tantrums, and a long list of woes every mother can understand.
By reading about Kay’s experiment, you realize that the issues in your family are not foreign. You are not the only mother struggling with lazy, over-expectant children and their long list of desires. Cleaning House is filled with real life, practical ideas, and a nice dose of humor.
Intentionally teaching children about life
If I sit back and wait for my children to learn how to do the basic tasks by observation, I will be sitting for a long time because unless I ask for their attention (or get on the phone), they ignore me. I need to be intentional. I need a plan.
Kay’s 12-month plan is… can I say, “brilliant”? As the children learn the basic duties required by life, they also are schooled in diligence, self-motivation, and the pleasure that comes from accomplishment.
The twelve tasks her children needed to master were:
- how to make a bed and maintain an orderly room
- how to cook and clean a kitchen
- how to do yard work
- how to clean a bathroom
- how to get a job… outside the home
- how to do laundry
- how to do handyman jobs
- how to host a party
- how to work together
- how to run errands
- how to put others first through service
- how to act mannerly
Obviously, I am not going to be putting my two year old out on the sidewalk to deliver newspapers and I will not be allowing my 9 year old to go to the store alone, but I can use Kay’s suggestions and be teaching my children the fundamentals of these lessons, preparing them for when they are old enough to accept the larger responsibilities.
My favorite part of Cleaning House
While the entire book is full of juicy tidbits and a-ha moments, my favorite part of Cleaning House is at the end of each chapter when Kay shares a list of what she saw her children learn and a list of what she learned by guiding them through the process.
Sometimes, parenting can be a chore, but by reading Cleaning House, I was affirmed that the daily grind is worth the exhaustion, attitudes, and tantrums. I received the reassurance that my efforts will pay off, my children will learn valuable skills , and I will learn priceless lessons.
Our 12-month plan begins on September 1st.
Buy it now
Cleaning House: A Mom’s 12-Month Experiment to Rid Her Home of Youth Entitlement by Kay Wills Wyma is available from WaterBrook Multnomah and at Amazon.com in paperback, for Kindle, and as an audiobook.
Psst… Kay also writes at her spot in the blogosphere, The Moat Blog.
Enter for a chance to win
WaterBrook Multnomah has generously donated a bundle of parenting books valued over $70 for one reader at Meet Penny. The bundle includes:
- Cleaning House by Kay Wills Wyma
- Raising Boys by Design by Gregory L. Jantz and Michael Gurian
- Upside-Down Prayers for Parents by Lisa T. Bergren
- You Can’t Make Me by Cynthia Ulrich Tobias
- How We Love Our Kids by Milan and Kay Yerkovich
Giveaways for physical products are only available to residents within the United States. No purchase necessary. Void where prohibited. Review and giveaway products were provided by my sponsor and additional compensation may have been received but opinions are 100% my own. Facebook is no way affiliate with this review and by entering you hold them unaccountable for any legalities related to this giveaway. Winner will be selected by Rafflecopter using Random.org and will be notified by email. Winners have 48 hours to respond to the email or another winner will be selected.
Free Diligence Lesson
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Oh my goodness!!! This is so me. I have done everything for my kids, given them everything that they want – within reason, but still too much stuff!, and done everything I can so that life isn’t too hard for them. In other words, they are spoiled rotten! They don’t have bad attitudes or feel entitled. But they are lazy and unprepared for life outside of our home. Instead of helping them I have hurt them. And a lot of it is because I’m lazy. It’s easier to do everything for them and around the house htan it is to teach them to do things for themselves. My husband has brought this to my attention several times and I’ve been working on it. But I think I really need to read this book. Thanks for sharing your heart. I am SO thankful that God led you to this book and that you’ve shared it with us!
Great giveaway. I’ve been thinking of how to better train my kids. Sounds perfect. Thanks for the giveaway!
I like the EASY solution.
Love the site…the hot air balloons quickly caught my eye.
more helping can be hurting
Didn’t take me long to notice the recipe section, especially the recipe for the Lemonade Pie!!!
Have added these books to my reading list. Thanks!
Love the upside down sign! Made me laugh!
She likes The Pioneer Woman’s blog. I {big fat puffy heart} that woman.
I absolutely LOVE the family in the car at the bottom on the page!!! And the little boy riding the scooter along side the car! Too cute!
I have been trying really hard for the past couple months to really let my son do things “on his own”… but sometimes… it’s really killer.
Completely agree with the “EASY” approach and that too much helping is hurtful. If they don’t learn to accept failure now, then they will never be willing to try new things as adults.
I learned that Kay used to work for the White House.
I like the upside down sign at the bottom of the page.
I noticed the sweet endings recipes right away. Great giveaway by the way!
I related to the “recovering enabler, controller, procrastinator” and felt a twinge of envy…I’m still working on those things.
I love the design of your blog. The use of cut-out magazine letters adds interest to your title. I also like the family car at the bottom with one of your children choosing his own transportation alongside the rest of the family. Every family has that one, I guess…
I so need this! My kids are so lazy and spoiled! And I know it’s my fault and I don’t know what to do about it. My question is, though, how do you make this work when your kids are in public school? I see all these things and it’s great when you’re homeschooling and kids are home all day, but how do you make it work when they’re at school 6+ hours a day. Any help?
These books sound like exactly what I need in my life! My girls are only 3 and 5 but my 5 year old already has such a sense of entitlement. I know it’s all my doing…how could a child this young act that way without being TREATED that way. But now I don’t know how to undo it. It’s been such a struggle and we’ve really had some rough patches. I need help!
I love that she talks about how parents of teens need someone to come along.
This would be very helpful in my house.