Healthy Family Project: Stress and Relationships

Too much stress can lead to health issues, and while it is easy to say that you need to stress less, how do you do that when it involves people, like family, friends, and coworkers? This month, the Healthy Family Project is focusing on relationships in an effort to improve our health by taking practical steps towards healthy relationships.

I am a difficult person magnet

Do you ever feel like difficult people are attracted to you? Do you find yourself caught in a whirlwind of drama every time you turn around?

I have a lot of experience with difficult people, especially since I am faced with one every time I look in the mirror. Yes, I am stubborn, aggressive, tactless, and authoritative. It used to be that when you mixed me with someone of equal Type-A tendencies, things would get rocky… fast! While there are moments when I still struggle with managing my emotions around abrasive individuals, I have become a bit more careful in my reactions.

While I am not a doctor or counselor, I can offer some tips I have personally used to make dealing with difficult people a little bit less stressful.

How to deal with difficult people

I believe the first step in de-stressing any relationship is admitting if you are part of the problem. Once you have accepted any responsibility and committed to removing those triggers inside your heart, then you can begin making other changes to improve… or at least avoid aggravating… the problematic relationship.

Pray, pray, pray some more

God uses prayer to change people and if those people cannot be changed, sometimes He changes you. In the most difficult of situations, prayer can be the best approach. If you do not know how to pray regarding the situation, seek prayer support from your spouse or a trustworthy friend.

Stay off social media

Bill says that Facebook is a megaphone. When you air your problems for everyone to see, well… everyone can see it. And, you just never know how far those status updates will actually reach or who will see them. Before posting something to social media, ask yourself, “Will this help my situation or does it have the potential of making it worse?”

Have each spouse deal with their own family

If the stressful relationship is related to your family, Bill and I have found that it is best to let the spouse deal with the members of his or her own family. While it would be wonderful if each marriage immediately bonded entire families, that just is not likely for every couple. If your spouse is unwilling to handle any necessary confrontation, remember my first piece of advice… pray.

Follow the biblical model for confrontation

The Bible gives a very clear example in Matthew 18 of how difficult situations and problematic people should be handled. I love how this passage is interpreted in The Message:

If a fellow believer hurts you, go and tell him–work it out between the two of you. If he listens, you’ve made a friend. If he won’t listen, take one or two others along so that the presence of witnesses will keep things honest, and try again. If he still won’t listen, tell the church. If he won’t listen to the church, you’ll have to start over from scratch, confront him with the need for repentance, and offer again God’s forgiving love.

Even though it is not expressed in these verses, I think these situations should be prayed over for days and approached with tons of grace and humility.

Avoid the gang-mentality

While you can feel a sense of security when you surround yourself with like-minded people, building a force of friends who agree with your regarding the difficult person does nothing to relieve your stress. If anything, the stress becomes worse and spreads to others.

Seek wise counsel or a mediator

Often, having a third party who is not entangled in the relationship can help you think through the issues you are facing with the problematic person. If your counselor and the person with whom you are struggling are both willing, a meeting where the counselor serves as a moderator to help talk through the problems can help each person see the situation from the other person’s point of view.

Show grace and have mercy

{Sigh} This is the hardest part for me since I am not grace-full without an effort. But, accepting the other person as being created in the image of God can give me perspective. God died for that person just like He died for me. Did they deserve His sacrifice? No. Do I? No. This gives me additional motivation to accept the person as they are and to admit that God has an amazing plan for that person’s life just as He has for me.

How do you deal with stressful relationships?