This week is ADD/ADHD Awareness Week and I am giving you a rare glimpse into my marriage.
I think many people misunderstand Attention Deficit Disorder and for a very long time, you could add my name to that list.
My husband, Bill, was diagnosed about two years ago with Attention Deficit Disorder because I finally listened to him.
Honestly, I was convinced that his complaining about attention problems was a type of hypochondria. After all, he is not a hyper man. As a matter of fact, he was slow to accomplish tasks and almost seemed to have a problem understanding me. I assumed he wasn’t listening.
I did not see anything in him that looked like what I understood ADHD to be, and I thought ADD was just a shorter abbreviation for the ADHD abbreviation. (I promise that I am not a dumb person but this was definitely a “duh” moment for me.) But, I started to pay attention when we discovered an online test for attention deficit disorder.
How ADD and ADHD are different
My problem was in thinking that these neurological disorders are the same. The truth is that ADD and ADHD are different.
The main difference between attention deficit disorder and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder is… you guessed it… hyperactivity.
People with ADD are not restless or impulsive but… here is where it is most misunderstood… they might have certain areas of hyper-focus. With a hyper-focus, a person can become so enraptured in their obsession (for lack of a better word) that they lose all track of time and can pay attention to nothing else. This detail presents what appears to be the complete opposite of a hyperactivity disorder.
For my hubby, his hyper-focus is music. He can spend hours sitting and creating or listening to music. If music is in a movie, he will hear it before anything else no matter how soft it is playing. He hums at weddings AND funerals. If I am speaking but music is playing, he cannot hear me.
I see this same characteristic in my children, but I’ve had people say that my children do not have ADD because they are not hyper. First of all, I see a different side of them… when I am peeling them off the walls. Then, I also see that hyper-focus. The intent where they are so absorbed that I need to touch them of make them look at me in order to gain their attention.
Symptoms of ADD
Oddly enough, the symptoms of Bill’s ADD are surprising. He struggles with attention but more than that, he is forgetful. Sometimes, he cannot remember things I said 5 minutes earlier. He also struggles with organization, and I don’t mean the perfectionistic OCD type of organization. I mean basic “place the mail in the basket” organization.
Because of his struggle to pay attention and to retain information, he can get extremely frustrated and often struggles with low self-worth and depression.
If someone in your life is having attention problems, consider the possibility that ADD and ADHD are real. They are problems that originate in the brain and they need extra understanding.
Do you have a loved one with ADD or ADHD? Which symptoms do you find most surprising?
Thank you for this. My Dr. diagnosed me with ADHD about two years ago and of course, sent me home with a handful of scrips for mind altering meds. I took them obediently for a while but they didn’t really change anything so I quit. I have the EXACT SAME STRUGGLES as your husband. EXACTLY!! I am easily distracted, exceptionally forgetful, and have a tendency to hyper-focus……..a LOT. Only, it’s not on one thing solely, but on a myriad of different and unrelated subjects depending on what’s going on that day. I’m such a mess but I’m so glad to hear that I’m not actually crazy and that this is real. I knew I wasn’t ADHD because hyper is the last adjective anyone would use to describe me. Again, THANK YOU.
Thank you so much for posting this! I took the online test for ADD and scored quite high for adult ADHD. (I’m a bit confused because I thought it was a test for ADD, but apparently some of the questions were about hyperactivity as well?) Anyway, thanks a bunch for giving us the inside look into your family.
ADHD and ADD are the same thing. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), published by the American Psychiatric Association, provides a common language and standard criteria for the classification of mental disorders. ADHD used to be named ADD in the DSM. It was ADD with or without hyperactivity. Now the DSM has updated the mental disorder to give it the name ADHD. People that are diagnosed with ADHD can have low levels of hyperactivity. The two mental disorders are the same disorder in the DSM. Don’t write a column before you do your research.
And don’t tell people what to do.
Wow. You are entitled to your opinion, but until you write a blog helping people with ADHD, or do something else significant to impact the mental health community, maybe you should keep it to yourself. People in glass houses and all that.
Don’t let them get to you. I have diagnosed ADD, not ADHD. They are most definitely two different disorders. If they were viruses they would be the chicken pix and shingles, very similar and definitely related but different.
But the difference clearly makes the two separate as your missing a key ingredient for a dr to prescribe the correct prescription! That doesn’t makes sense to call them one disorder reagent they aren’t identical
I realize this is an old post, but I wanted to jump in for a moment.
As a mother with ADHD whose raising a child with ADHD (and for more fun, my dad had it too!) I know what it’s like for your husband. Our attention is everywhere and yet, there are things that can drag all of our attention to the point where everything else doesn’t get done (for me, it’s reading…be wary of me and a book!)
Officially, the DSM-V lists both ADHD and ADD under ADHD, but as two separate types of ADHD. There is ADHD with primarily hyperactive-impulsivity, ADHD with primary inattentiveness, and ADHD combined type (or as I like to call it sometimes, a mix of the best and worst worlds!) Most kids get labeled with the hyperactive-impulsive and most adults with inattentive, but there is some wonderful research out there showing that most of us are actually combined type. The reason it’s different between childhood and adulthood is because we learn to internalize a lot of the hyperactive-impulsive issues as we grow up.
Anyway, I just wanted to say good luck with your family. It’s a blessing, but it’s a challenging one!
I’ve discovered a book that has helped me greatly which may be of help to some of you: Healing ADD by Dr. Daniel Amen. It’s given me insight & revelation about ADD, helped me recognize both myself and my son and given me such hope for how to heal and deal with it all…
When my son was 15, we noticed all of these problems (ADD) and I talked with a friend who had already gone through the EXACT same thing with her son. She said to me, “I really think you should get him tested.” When I talked to his teachers, they said, “Nooooo! There is no way Evan has ADD! He is so calm and mellow and well-behaved!” They were confusing ADD with ADHD! And yes, he is VERY (OVERLY) calm and mellow and well-behaved. So much so…that it was affecting everything in his life. He would DO his homework, but forget to turn it in. He’d learn a new lesson in class, but forget it by the time he came home. He would lose things. Take FOREVER to accomplish the smallest chore. But he had the EXTREME focus on some things (like you mentioned your husband’s music). Once we got him diagnosed and a treatment plan, it was like night and day. We had a new son. It was pretty crazy, the dr. said to us, “I don’t know how he maintained being a straight A student on the honor roll all these years, he is one of the most EXTREME cases I’ve ever seen. He must have learned coping skills.” I felt so awful as a mother because for so long, I thought he wasn’t listening, paying attention, or being lazy. Now…he is in college…still getting awesome grades…but things come so much easier for him because of his treatment plan and methods he’s learned for coping/dealing with it. He is quite brilliant. I am so grateful we got him tested!
Thank you, Melody, for affirming that I was not alone in misunderstanding the difference. I was assuming that my husband (and kids) were fine since they are not hyper. BOY! I was totally wrong.
Just wondering if you could describe your son’s treatment plan?
I, too, was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult. My son was diagnosed a few years before me. While we were going through the testing process, and I was researching the disorder, I recognized some VERY familiar behaviors in the symptomology. I tried talking to my doctor at the time and a psychiatrist and psychologist that I saw for a while. But, NO ONE would LISTEN!!! I am not sure if it is because I WAS an adult??? Anyways, I moved to another state and a big city (whereas before I had lived in a fairly rural area). When I took my son to his intake appointment at his new psychiatrist, they suggested that I come in for my own intake appointment (for different reasons). When I did, someone FINALLY listened and I received the proper diagnosis and treatment. I suppose I never recognized it because there are 3 types of ADHD. One is extremely hyper (NOT me), and there are 2 other types that are calmer but still tend to fidget a lot, etc. Also, some of my main symptoms are things like procrastination, disorganization, lack of time management, things along those lines. When I was younger, I struggled very much with impulsivity. At times, it is still an issue (like keeping my mouth shut and biting my tongue…lol), but definitely not as much. Thank you so much for putting a light on this issue and letting these kids know that they have NOTHING to be ashamed of. I am a strong advocate for mental health. As far as we have come on racism, gay rights, and many other social issues, we actually have made strides BACKWARDS in the last 10-20 years or so in removing the stigma attached to mental illness. People need to know that it is a disease just like diabetes or cancer, and that while it is not curable, it IS treatable.. Thanks again. You are awesome. I wish you and your husband the best. God Bless. 🙂
Great first person!
FYI: What was once officially ADD, several DSM editions back, has been known by quite a few more names through the years. I had a student who was actually diagnosed under one of them when she was a child, but nobody made the connection as she grew up and the name changed. She had her aha! moment in my class.
Take a look at “ADD — What’s in a Name?” on ADDandSoMuchMore.com (always available on far left, upper bar, just to the right of Home/New) — some background info about the names. Over 400 info-dense ADD/EFD articles available on my [non-commercial] site, technical as well as “tips and tricks,” – only a few in the Related Links at the bottom of the page above.
Please quote the source & link back if you use anything – and let me know with a like or a comment if you stop by. My best to you and your family.
xx,
mgh
(Madelyn Griffith-Haynie – ADDandSoMuchMore dot com)
– ADD Coach Training Field founder; ADD Coaching co-founder –
“It takes a village to educate a world!”
As a therapist, coach, mother of 3 w: ADHD, & having ADHD myself, I’m hoping you’ve written a follow-up to this post since it’s original posting 3+ years ago. Since then, the ADD vs. ADHD issue has been further refined & understood. The DSM V now calls all attention deficit disorders as ADHD w/ further classification as inattentive, hyperkinetic, combined type, & unspecified. We used to think the “H” stood for outward expressions of hyperactivity, but we now know that all ADHD brains are internally hyperactive, even when there is no or minimal hyperactivity evident in behavior. Clinically, it is far more accurate than the old ADD vs. ADHD differentiation.