After homeschooling our children for almost seven years, my husband and I decided to place our children in private school. Making this decision was like riding an emotional rollercoaster, but each step has brought an amazing confirmation that we are doing what is best for our children.
About a year ago, my work from home business started growing at an exceeding rate. My time at the computer increased but we were still homeschooling.
Each day grew harder and I found myself reflecting over and over again on the decision to homeschool. Our daily routine worked. I knew where to find homeschool curriculum. Our lessons plans were ready for the year.
But…
Bedtime would bring a long list of regrets. I never felt like I had accomplished everything that needed to be done. I always felt behind in household chores and business projects. But, the most crushing feeling came from the voice in my head that told me I was not doing well as a mother and homeschool teacher.
Problems in our homeschool
I know a lot of homeschooling moms feel this way and it IS NOT true for them. It is just mommy guilt stemming from a lack of self-esteem where we convince ourselves that we are not good enough. However, I could not get past certain facts.
Deprivation behaviors
When we went to the store or church, my children would demand the attention of other people and chat incessantly. It was almost like they were craving socialization. I thought they were getting plenty by going to co-op and church twice a week, but something still seemed to be missing.
I know this is not going to go over well with those who feel like homeschool leaves children feeling unsocialized and let me be the first to say that most homeschooled children are VERY active in extra-curricular activities. My kids… not so much. I am an introvert and was dragging my kids into a cave with me.
Falling behind
My oldest was getting further and further behind in her math curriculum. She was doing lessons daily but some of the concepts were confusing for her. And while Teaching Textbooks seemed to work most of the time, I could tell the scope and sequence of the curriculum was behind where children should have been to be on grade level.
And, just being honest… homeschooling multiple ages is hard. I was struggling to find time to focus on my younger children because the older children needed so much individualized attention. Over the summer, I realized that my youngest son was going to be a first grader and I had not found time to teach him to read.
We never seemed to have time for history or science. I was squeezing it in by batching lessons together but struggled with whether or not this was an effective way to teach the kids and have them absorb the information.
One child… well…
I love all of my children equally and I want them each to become all that God designed them to be. There! I felt like I had to make that clear to avoid the flaming arrows of trolls in the comments.
As all of these other issues were becoming more and more apparent, my oldest child (the one who was diagnosed with an Autism Spectrum Disorder and is already very stubborn) started having preteen hormonal shifts. The mood swings were so drastic it was almost like she was bipolar.
The week she went to camp was… bliss. No one fought. No name calling. No bullying. Just fun, laughing children all playing together. The minute she came home, the yelling began. And she was happier at camp too.
School time was derailed as soon as her feet hit the floor. Each day was a battle of wills where I was left exhausted and having no clue what to do to improve our situation.
Deciding to stop homeschooling
I spoke with several homeschooling friends who all encouraged me to make decisions for each child individually. As I thought about my oldest, I wondered if she needed more structure and stimulation than she was getting from my highly divided attention. So, I made an appointment to tour a private school.
On tour day, I took all of the children along. Every step to the van, my boys were adamant that they were NOT going to private school. They only wanted to be with me. I assured them that we would only make a decision based on what was best for everyone, secretly knowing that only our oldest child would be attending.
During our walk through the lovely halls of the school, I saw my children morph. The glow of excitement lit their faces and passion seemed to kindle behind their eyes. They gently stroked the desks and smiled brightly as they passed other children in the hall.
As soon as we got in the car, all four were begging to attend private school.
I was resistant because I believe in the value of homeschooling… and I didn’t want to lose connection with my children. At the same time, I knew having all four kids in school would make it easier for me to focus on work during work hours and being mom during mom hours, but I did not want to make this decision based on MY best interests.
Thinking the excitement would fade, we waited until the next day to decide but agreed to proceed with placement testing.
Placement testing gone wrong
The three oldest children had to be tested on their current ability in language and math in order to make sure they were placed in the correct grade level. The third and sixth grade kids were supposed to sit in a room by themselves, without a test proctor making me a nervous wreck. Only our oldest child had experience taking a placement test and she was not alone during the test.
After testing, the principal called me into his office. I honestly would not have believed the test results if I had not see them with my own eyes.
My oldest had answered most of the questions but only scored about 65% on the fifth grade level.
My 3rd grade son… he just randomly circled words all over the page. I am NOT kidding. He did not even read the instructions. He just circled whatever he felt like circling.
My 1st grade son had done very well. He told me the test was just like our All About Reading lessons.
Relief
I was overcome with pride… not the pretty kind… the wounded, self-righteous, “can’t believe my kids failed” kind. But, there was also a relief. Relief that affirmed private school as the best decision.
I felt like the placement tests – although not thoroughly testing my children’s knowledge or accurately showing their abilities – was a huge indicator that my children needed a more structured education.
Even so, I secretly hoped they would come home from the first day and HATE it. Didn’t happen. As a matter of fact, they loved it! And in the first week of school, they bloomed.
We still have some major adjustments to make, but the school is very proactive and the teachers have been extremely understanding that my children have only known homeschool and not a structured school environment.
Questions from others about our decision
Many questions have followed since this major change in our family, and I understand the spectacle of such a public homeschool family suddenly changing direction.
Does this mean you don’t agree with homeschooling anymore?
Absolutely not. I firmly believe that homeschooling is a very viable education solution for families and many families do it very well, much better than I ever did!
If you could not afford private school, would you have sent your kids to public school?
No. Although my husband and I are products of public education and my husband is a public school teacher, neither of us believe that the current state of public education affirms our family values.
Which school is your children attending?
We have decided not to mention the name publicly.
How can you afford private school?
Over the last two years, God has surprised us by growing my blogging business to the point that not only were we able to overcome bankruptcy but can now afford private school. If you want more information on how to blog or how to make money blogging, I have courses available to help at InspiredBloggersUniversity.com.
Will your decision change your blog?
That is a very good question with which I am still struggling. I know that I cannot pretend to be a homeschooling family and would never lie. However, I have been assured that I still have a lot to offer homeschooling families. The best answer? There will be no immediate change to the topics on Meet Penny.
I’m seeing more and more bloggers who used to homeschool that are putting their kids in public or private school in order to further their blogging career. I just hope it’s worth it. There is another option if you feel like you aren’t getting it all done. Instead of giving up the kids, you could give up the career. Though I know you’re used to the “fame” and money for fancy things–I saw on instagram that you just got a new fancy van and all that. I just hope it’s worth it in the long run. I never thought you’d be one to sell out to stuff.
Honest opinions are always welcomed on my blog, Michelle, but how can you accuse me of “selling out to stuff” when you have no idea what God has spoken to my heart? I am HARDLY famous. That would be a lousy reason to choose not to homeschool.
As for the van, my husband’s car is literally falling apart. The dashboard is sinking in and it was going dead when he pulled into traffic. We considered just getting him a newer car but chose to get a new van since we often have to rent a van to travel to conferences. Now he drives the (10 year old) van. We have not owned a brand, new car in 15 years and decided to buy new since we plan to keep it for another 15 years or more.
Apart from that, we live in a small home (which we took off the market since we purchased a new van) and have no other “fancy things.” I’m wearing socks and a polo shirt with holes in them and a bra that is ten years old as I type.
Again, your opinion is welcomed and I cannot speak for other bloggers who have decided to stop homeschooling for a season, but as for me and my house, we serve the Lord and this is what He has determined best for us at least this year.
That kind of bitter and resentful comment most likely comes from someone who is living a bitter, angry life. So sorry Tabitha, that you had to read that.
I am so grateful for this post as it speaks so much to my heart right now. I don’t have a career but otherwise my story is so similar. Thank you, and keep
Being awesome! And buy beautiful expensive things if you want to and it glorifiesGod by bringing beauty to the world and your family!!! You’re awesome.
My heart ached for you as I read your blog post as it could not have been an easy decision. I know others who have wrestled with this as well. It sounds like your choice has been a blessing for your family and I am happy for you and your kiddos. Long before you were a homeschooler, you were a mother, and everything you did for your family was with your best intentions…not taken lightly or selfishly. I can relate to your circumstances in many ways as a homeschooling mom and work at home woman. We’ve struggled with only having one car and it’s hard. I’ll take a bit of luxury any day if it minimizes stress. I have been a mom for 26 years, my youngest is 5 and at times I long for my own identity. We have already made the decision to put our son in public HS for 9th grade. He is a left handed pitcher, he’s played around the country and is darn good. He will have opportunities there that he will not have as my student. It would be selfish of me to keep him home, where I like my kids to be…in my comfort zone. Joy and peace ladies! The world will wear you out, find refuge with God.
Thank you for understanding. It was very difficult and there are days when it is still hard. Truly, it takes more effort for me to send them to school than it did to keep them home. This journey takes us beyond my comfort zone and way outside what I said we would NEVER do. Isn’t God funny that way? {{hugs}}
I always feel kind of sad when I read about moms quiting homeschool, but God has different plans for everyfamily, and if He made you feel that`s the best option (at least for now) go fo it..obedience to the Lord is the key of all…
one question, If you could come back in time, what would you have done different? what made you think when you looked the test results?..what did you learn of all this?
Thanks so much…Homeschool newbie
Thank you, Nancy. Honestly, I would have stayed away from Teaching Textbooks. The curriculum gave me the freedom I needed to homeschool four children at the same time but did not meet the academic standards needed to keep my children on track. Also, as many times as I have said that homeschooling should not be like public schooling, I would have had more structure in our day with fewer unit studies and more textbooks. {{hugs}}
I have a few things that I need to say here, first of all, I’m very happy that you found the solution that you needed. Secondly, it is disheartening to read comments that state that you are giving up your children when you stop homeschooling. Everyone homeschools for different reasons, and I know many do it because they believe that’s what God says to do, but being a good parent and providing them what they need comes first. I am currently on the verge of looking into schools for my children, it has taken a long time for me to get to this point, but I truly believe it’s the route I need to take. I’m not doing it for my career or fancy things, because I gave all of that up when I had my children, I’m doing it because I feel that my children need something I can not provide for them, (which is a very specific need that I’m not going to get into because it would be way too long). My point is that we are all trying our best, and just because we choose to do something different than someone else, does not mean that we are giving up our children, or in search of fancy things. A parent that does not place a child into school when it would be the best option for their child is more upsetting to me, it’s just a way of deciding to put yourself first.
Penny, reading your blog affirms what my husband and I decided months ago. This is the first year that I home-schooled our 2 girls (grades 7 & 10th) in 5 years. They had become used to the socialization at their public schools in our current small town. Our middle-schooler was tested ad nauseum last year. At the end of every 9 weeks was a standardized test, (the TE-21) for all 4 basic subjects. By the spring, it was those regular tests TE 21 tests plus a battery of state tests. Some of those state tests lasted 4-5 days each. All tests were timed. The whole student body was bribed with coupons & discounts to Starbucks, Chick-Fil-A, etc.as well as trips to the skating rink and Carowinds State Park for improved scores each 9 weeks. After the beginning of February, there was no new material taught due to to reviewing for the onslaught of tests in my small SC town. “I must rescue my middle school child,” I thought.
Consequently, I purchased all Abeka books last spring and began homeschooling last fall. My high school child was defiant from the beginning. It was a battle for her to view me as a teacher instead of “just” mom. Then, her 11th grade math and science became far too difficult for me. I surrendered after a month. I enrolled her into an on-line public school. I needed to keep her at home due to some social issues we needed to rectify.
As for my 7th grader, her enthusiasm to learn dwindled by Thanksgiving and drastically each month thereafter. She started dragging out each lesson no matter how many incentives I dangled before her. She was always bubbly, happy-go-lucky, but now she has become lackluster, a bump on the log-biding her time until the fall. She cannot hang out with her former friends, because they no longer have anything to talk about. They don’t get together, because they are always doing honor’s homework, projects, and studying for standardized & teacher-made tests. She knows it to be true, because of when she was in school–strapped to the table doing work on weekends as well.
I just ordered 4 more core books that are not Christian and that are similar to her public middle school books. These books will prepare her for the beginning-of-the-year-test when she returns to public school in August of 2016. She is accustomed to that style of learning and there’s nothing unGodly about it. Competition and a some stress is good for them.
I will be free to exercise in the day like before and have the house to myself again. As usual, I will tutor her during homework time and be the “teacher’s aide” at home instead of the everything teacher—like now. All 3 of us need our freedom back. I find myself being extra chatty with strangers, because I’m “on lock-down” with my girls at home. This homeschool year just didn’t work at all like I planned it. I can swallow my pride and re-enroll them this fall. This is best for each of my girls as well as for me. We still will serve the Lord. We will remain close. Nothing will be lost…only gained–time alone for me, age-level socialization in person throughout the entire school day, competition igniting their best work.
What a tough decision that must have been. Good for you for being very in tune to what your kids needed and what God was telling you. I applaud your actions as you decided to do what was necessary for your kids. I personally have no problem with any type of education. I would love to homeschool, but it just isn’t in the cards for us. I don’t feel like “I am giving up on my kids” because they will go to private or public school and I think that is a ridiculous comment. Homeschooling is great, but it doesn’t work for all families. I feel you have to do what is right for YOUR family. Good for you. Thanks for sharing something so personal.
Wow, this hits home with me, and I only wish I had come across it sooner. We homeschooled for years, but put our oldest 4 kids in a small parochial school in 2016. One has since graduated, and the other 5 remain in Catholic schools. For the most part, they have thrived; the biggest issues have been social (things we were happy to avoid as homeschoolers). We question the school decision every year. It’s so hard to separate your emotions from what is best for the kids. We definitely did not gain any “fancy” stuff since my salary as a school nurse is hardly large, but it does allow me to be on the same schedule as our kids.